Supporting parents in diaspora
Stumbled upon this verse and I have to admit, I was astounded!
Astounded maybe because of my inadequacies, my flawed inability to stand long enough together with fellow bethren to see their prayers answered. Yet the Lord commands us to ‘stand together UNTIL”.
When was the last time you stood in faith with someone for those things that He answered in your own life?
#purpose
#bethrenhood šš½ā¤
This was our Word for the month of September 2019. Back then, I had received 3 indoor plants in one month. I began to sense that there was a deeper meaning to the random gifts friends gave me.
I am in no way, shape or form good with plants. One friend said ā the more reason why I am gifting you plantsā. Talk of being stretched š
I struggled with a particular plant a bit and had to run back to the giver. She advised me to CAREFULLY trim the dead parts of the leaf, feed the plants organic home food and watch. The organic home fertiliser comprised of overnight soaked banana peels, egg shells and tea bag.
To my amazement, the plant started to thrive.
This was my latest gift, Rejoice and I loved her!
I felt the law of seeding and harvesting was at work in that season. Seeding, weeding, nurturing and tending to plants requires careful attention as well as commitment. The harvest is bountiful to those who will do the work right?
āLord strengthen my hands in place of hard labour(parenting). Help me not to shrink back or give up. Allow my entrusted plants (children) to flourish through careful considerations.ā
Isnāt it amazing that this plant analogy also translates to our role as parents! Many of us we are not confident in this area. We are not sure what fertiliser to apply, how much moisture and where to place the plant so it can thrive and blossom. All this guesswork and stress levels š¤£š¤£.
What I have found to be useful is having that trustworthy and well informed friend. Remember that passionate green fingered friend of mine forever gifting plants? Yes, her! Each time I visit her house she has got this new plant, that other plant and they are ALL blossoming. Interestingly, she tells me that she reads a lot about these plants before she buys them. She is careful to follow instructions around watering, plant feed and placement. She chuckles every time I tell her the plant she gifted me has died..
While google is available to all of us, my understanding, patience and interests are clearly not strong in plants. Despite my desire and keenness to have an instagram inspired green house of a living room, it just isnāt happening!
This could be you! You find the whole positive parenting work a total nightmare. You were not raised like that! Your mama didnāt have to bend backwards for your children. You canāt figure out why your children wonāt listen and do just as they are told. You are trying everything you know, it just isnāt cutting it! Most of us DO struggle, generallyā¦ however, they are some who find teen brain fascinating, others understands the whole child development theory better that they are able to translate it into practice.
My friend do not shy away from asking. Asking trusted friends to show, guide and lead you. Reach out to others who can help.
The upcoming intentional parenting MomBA, is a 6 weeks online crash course on being the effective parent leader that you want to be. More details following soon. There is tons of information available out there, sometimes too much and too overwhelming. Where does one even start to look and who are trusted and qualified people to help?
Intentional parenting stands as a TRUSTED friend who understands some of the complexities and challenges that come with raising children in diaspora. Our strategies are informed by research evidence as well as personal experiences.
We look forward to seeing you FLOURISH in your journey as a parent.
To find out more, get in touch here, via our contact page.
Remain in bloom š·
Fadzai x
Saw this on facebook and had to share. While itās advise to people with young children, itās a reminder to us all of how quick time flies and that one day our little babies too will be all grown up.
When you first have children they talk about the challenges of parentingā¦.the struggles of a baby waking in the night,
the toddler who wonāt stay in their bed, the cost of childcare, injuries from sportsā¦
Having to take off work to pick them up from school when they donāt feel well, helping them with homework, a messy house, the never ending laundry, the cost to buy school clothes, packing their lunchesā¦.
You watch their eyes light up on Christmas morningā¦.and try to soak in the magic of those moments.
You coach them in sports, rushing to practices and ballgamesā¦and tote them all over the country to let them play the game they loveā¦no matter how exhausting or expensive it becomes.
Life is just so busy that you rarely even stop to think what the end of those days look like.
In fact, itās not really even something you can wrap your mind around.
You go into it thinking that 18-20 years sounds like a long timeā¦.
Then suddenly hours turn into daysā¦days into monthsā¦and months into years.
That little person that used to crawl up next to you in bed and cuddle up to watch cartoonsā¦suddenly becomes this young adult who hugs you in the hallway as they come and go.
And the chaos and laughter that used to echo throughout your homeā¦.gets filled with silence and solitude.
Youāve learned how to parent a child who needs you to care for and protect themā¦.but have no clue how the whole āletting goā thing is supposed to work.
So you hold on as tight as you canā¦wondering how time passed so quicklyā¦feeling guilty that you missed somethingā¦.
Because even though you had 20 yearsā¦..it just somehow doesnāt seem like it was enough.
You ask yourself so many questionsā¦
Did you teach them the right lessons?
Did you read them enough books as a child?
Spend enough time playing with them?
How many school parties did you have to miss?
Do they really know how much you love them?
What could I have done better as a parent?
ā¦..When itās time for them to go, it all hits you like a ton of bricks.
And all you can do is prayā¦.hopeā¦.and trust that God will protect them as they start to make their way into the world alone.
Parenting is by far the most amazing experience of your lifeā¦.that at times leaves you exhilaratedā¦.while others leave you heartbroken.
But one thing is certainā¦..itās never enough timeā¦š
So for all the parents with young childrenā¦whose days are spent trying to figure out how to make it through the madnessā¦
Exhausted day in and day outā¦
Soak. It. All. In.
Because one dayā¦.all those crazy days full of cartoons, snuggles, sleep overs, Christmas morning magic, ballgames, practices and late night dinnersā¦
All come to an end.
And youāre left hoping that you did enough right, so that when they spread their wingsā¦.
Theyāll flyā¦šš
Day 5-
A story is told of a woman who poured out a bottle of very expensive perfume on Jesus and went on to wipe his feet with her beautiful hair. Those who were with Jesus, his friends are said to have been flabbergasted, angry and disappointed with both Jesus and this woman. This woman was not meant to be around Jesus, she was a sinner and a woman. At the time men and women didn’t mingle together. Most importantly, they felt she was incredibly thoughtless in wasting the expensive perfume.
-In our journey as wives, mothers, friends, colleagues, some of our actions will not make sense.
-There is a point in our journey that our purpose becomes very clear. Don’t be persuaded otherwise.
Today I pray that when that time comes, it finds you ready to break the barriers and cynicism that life throws at you. I pray that you will not pay attention to nay sayers but do what feels right to you. I pray that you will give yourself fully to that purpose.
šš½ā„ļø
Woke up today feeling rather exhausted. It’s been a month since I started my new job. Reality has since set in and I have found myself busier than anticipated. That certainly has had a knock on effect on my mental and emotional health. The English weather and the commute has not helped. The train commute isn’t bad, it’s the driving through packed, smokey and hot London tarmac roads that does my head in. For sanity’s sake I will not mention the parking.
The weather tops it all for me. The need to be comfortable and practical is a must. However, the English weather remains unpredictable. You never know when it is going to rain or whether the sunny spell will last the 12hours whilst you are at work. It is hard. One has to think about what to wear and how that can adapt to the weather too. It’s a problem I had anticipated hence I chose a uniform. If you have read my previous blog on the day before the new job, I bought some lovely, comfortable navy blue slacks to wear with plain white t shirts and pumps. Well, today I decided otherwise as it was going to be warm. Besides, my daughter had decided to wear my t-shirts at home š¤£.
Feeling rather unmotivated and wanting to get into the office early for a busy day ahead, I just grabbed the clean and cotton dress that I could find. It’s the African ankara dress mama got tailor made for me. It fits well and that’s all I needed so I could catch the earlier train. Thankfully, I made it after sprinting a good 5mins! The joys of commuting, I keep telling myself, you are getting fit girl!šš½āāļøšš½āāļø
Anyway, I walk into work and I get lots of compliments on this particular dress. I get lots of nods and smiles from ‘sisters’ with a look of approval. It dawns on me that the dress is making a statement that I had not perceived before. When I walked into the office, colleagues exclaimed how they like my dress. I chuckle to myself and just smile. Comments are made with the British niceness and political correctness that I have become familiar with but still unsettling.
The dress is addressing my identity and all that I represent. Someone remarked that the dress has made them feel homesick, as I reminded them of where they come from. Amazing how a piece of clothing can conjure so many emotions at all levels. Then there is the senior colleagues I met in the corridors with the look of ‘wow’. That’s me there affirmed! The beauty of working with a very diverse community is that you find your sisterhood. These are the women who identify with you and what you are all about. These are women who have walked your journey or are on the same path with you. Your stories, struggles and strength are entwined and become the given. Your journey is easily understood without having to explain yourself.
Today I didn’t wake up, wanting to draw attention to myself, I didn’t feel that way at all. However, I’m glad that the day turned out the way it did. For the rest of the day, I had a spring in my step and a conviction in my heart that I will get there. There, for me, is a place of effectiveness and relevance.
The dress reminded me that it’s not so bad after all. I am African. I am a strong African woman. The dress allowed me to have small talk with a few more people than before. This dress addresses the woman in me, a woman on a Journey.
That has been the highlight of my day!
Hopeful ā¤
**First Published 20.06.2017**
What a privilege it is to wake up to God’s promises!
I was looking through the photos and came across this family photo that was taken last August 2016 in Copenhagen. It melted my heart. God has been good and gracious to us.
It has not always been like this. As a family, we have had our share of ups and downs, we have struggled as well as felt overwhelemed. We have also felt like giving up on each other as a couple as well as sending our children to be with grandparents in Zimbabwe.
Life is challenging, family life is complex. For us parenting in diaspora made the whole mix extremely complex. Our expectations for each other and our children change and keep on changing. That’s growth right?
Growth is a great thing as long as you do it together as a family. It’s very easy to grow apart. As our children have grown, we have decided to be an INTENTIONAL couple. We normally have a scheduled one hour daily, no phones and just us 2, to catch up on each other. I have taken working hours that are more family friendly as well. Happy couples make great parents.
The greatest thing we did is, we decided to partner with God. We realised we just couldn’t make it on our own. There is so much peace that one has when you handover something to someone else, it becomes their issue and agenda.
I remember when our amazing daughter was born. It was hubby’s first hand experience of looking after a baby all by himself. Our wonderful son was born in Zim with all the help from extended family and nannies. The first day I left the three of them, I cried all the way to the nursing placement. I was worried about how hubby would cope with the baby as he was working nights as well. We had decided that I would stay on the nursing course despite all health and safety issues from University and Occupational health. Indeed, I went to Uni on a Friday and gave birth on the Sunday. Being on 3year student visa, we didn’t want to jeopardise that. Those who have experienced Home office service, beaurocracy and the extortius fees know what I mean.
No words can describe what a blessing our daughter is, incredibly strong willed, feisty, loving, caring, smart and definitely a daddy’s girl.
God promises us that He cares and loves our families more than anything. That is the confidence we have.
It takes a lot of faith and trust to believe and see the promises of God come to pass. Many a times, things may seem to get worse before they get better. As a family, we are encouraged by some of our answered prayers. We also know some families personally, who are walking in Gods promises and that inspires us. We continue to hope and trust in Him. The verse below summarises our mission as a family. Looking to the Lord for help always. We love the assurance in “never”, what a promise!!
āThose who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame”. āāPsalmā¬ ā34:5ā¬ āNIVā¬ā¬
This is our journey, hope you have been inspired. Would love to hear how your journey as a family is panning out.
Be hopeful, always ā¤
Intentional parenting 