Diaspora parenting

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Parenting is the most challenging and yet incredibly rewarding role that one will ever take. If you are a parent you will probably agree with me. Here i’m sharing 5tips from my upcoming book
“Raising Fa: Surviving parenting in Diaspora”
In this book I share on what has worked for me as a mom and I what I have learnt through my role as a public health nurse working with families in UK community as well as a safeguarding children’s nurse. Both roles have fundamental understanding of child development theories, family dynamics and the impact of environmental/societal factors on the development of a child.
PARENTING TIPS:
1– Partnering with God. For me this remains the best decision I made as a mom. In all circumstances, I have turned to God to help me as a mom and also help my children at whatever stage they are. By partnering with Him, it lessened the burden as when challenging times came, I looked and literally took my burden to His feet. I will share more on my next blog on how to lay at feet in prayer, interceding for our children. In that blog I will share tips such as praying for your child in their bedroom, playing worship songs continuously in their rooms etc
2— Pray, pray, pray. Pray in faith concerning your children. Dare to believe God for the promises He says concerning your children. My favourite is “All our children shall be taught of the lord and great shall be their peace” Isaiah 54:13 O the price of peace!! That’s the greatest gift I could give my children. That they may know His peace that transcends all understanding. The bible says pray at all times and in all manner. If it bothers you, pray about it, philipians 4:6
3—- Time is money, valuable and is precious! How true with our children! Give them the gift of your time. Let them know how much they mean to you. Drop everything and be with them. It’s the best investment one could ever make, it gives in returns. Imagine a romantic relationship with someone who can never prioritise you but gives you the leftovers all the time. It is the same with our children. Try to set aside time on a regular basis to do something fun with your children.
Rather than tell them what not to do, teach and show them what they should do.
4—Be equipped, learn how to be a parent. A lot of us feel we can just do it, maybe. My personal experience by not being equipped I made a lot of mistakes and now I am trying to rectify these especially with our first. Both my pregnancies were unplanned. Back home, when the community helped to raise a child, it was easier and doable. A lot of the older women were great teachers in informal education. Fast forward in the diaspora, that community is not there. Older women are around but busy and scarce.
Parenting classes then become fundamental for a parent who wants to get it right. Local children centres offer bite size parenting courses, churches and charities as well as independent consultants offer parenting courses. Online courses are also available that are affordable and easily accessible. Society will not let you get on the road without a licence but it is ok to raise a human being on trial and error. Think about it.
5—-In managing behaviours, use descriptive praise when they do something well. Say, “I like how you ____ when you ____.” Be specific.
Help your child learn to express how s/he feels. Say: “You seem frustrated.” “How are you feeling?” “Are you upset?” “You look like you are angry about that.” “It’s O.K. to feel that way.”
Try to see a situation the way your children do. Listen carefully to them.
Above all remember to be kind to your yourself and remain hopeful. Some days are harder and some seasons are even challenging. The truth of the matter is that, it WILL come to pass. Take deep breaths, drink your water and try and get some rest. Sleep enough hours to build resilience so you can continue on the journey.
Would love to hear how you are getting on in your parenting journey. Drop us a comment, like. Share the message of hope and let other parents know we can do it.
Till next time,
Remain intentional 🌱
Love
Fadzai x
💕🙏🏽

Should we pay for good grades?

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What children think their parents want for them can play a significant role in shaping the children’s chances of future success and well-being. Parental pressure to excel in school and extracurricular activities can increase kids’ risk of stress, as well as have a negative impact on kids’ well-being and success later in life. This is especially true if parents value grades and achievement over things like empathy, compassion, kindness, and social skills. “VeryWellFamily “

We took a poll on intentional_parenting and the results were as below. The evidence weighs heavily against PAYING in favor of rewarding EFFORT.

If a parent were to say, ‘I will give you this if you achieve all As’, the child is likely to do it for that reward. It also means that subsequently, he will think, well, the only reason to learn is to get the reward. If I am not getting the reward that I want, I am not interested in learning.”

The downside to giving kids rewards is that they put the responsibility for learning on the parent – who needs to come up with more rewards for sustained results and also has to continue to monitor success.

Suggest a celebration, like going to a special restaurant for a meal. This is not a reward but just an acknowledgment and celebration of a goal achieved.

Reward your child verbally. Once your child has achieved a goal, say how the effort and studying paid off and how you’re proud he improved his grades.

Morally it can be tricky giving cash to children for good grades. You never know what someone might agree to do in exchange for the promise of another cash payment.

Daniel Coyle, author of the best-selling book, The Talent Code, points out that praising effort not accomplishment is much more likely to lead to successful outcomes. Not just any effort, but persistent, intensive effort that comes with focusing on overcoming errors by pushing oneself to the edge of one’s knowledge and skills.

There is no guarantee that the money would go to useful things. This may potentilla create more work for the parents who need to monitor how the money is spent

The pros and cons of paying students for good grades depends on the effectiveness of the solution. There will be some kids motivated by this approach to learning, but there will also be others who are turned off by the idea of this “bribe.” That is why many schools use positive reinforcement and non-cash-based rewards like books, pencils, or clothing as a way to enhance motivation.

If you need further details on how best you can encourage and support your child to get better grades, this article by Verywellfamily has some great suggestions.

Any thoughts or additions? Would love to hear from you.

Thanks for stopping by.

Fadzai