Child Q

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Intentional parenting stands with Child Q. As a community of black African parents, we will work with our community at large to heal on the trauma that we have faced.

What makes Child Q a very distressing and complex case is the layers of abuse, discrimination, injustice the community faces. To rectify these issues requires a system wise approach. For instance, why didn’t Child Q refuse to be undressed without her parents there??

As I write it’s difficult to imagine what must have been going through her mind when all this was happening. I want to take a minute and applaud the relationship Child Q has with her mother that she was able to share the horrors of what happened to her.

Thank you to the Hackney Safeguarding who took this forward to the panel.

We are holding a series of webinars to discuss about this trauma, led by qualified practitioners from education, health, safeguarding, parenting,faith, youth work and many others.

Intentional Parenting invites those with expertise in those areas, are willing to work with our community to get in touch via our contact page below via email/ phone/ whatsapp.

We are open and willing to work with both statutory and voluntary organisations in forging a way forward.

We understand that this is not an isolated incident. We will speak to our children and LISTEN to their experiences. We will LEARN from their experiences and stand with them.

We promise to make time and read the SCHOOL policies so we are familiar with them.

As a community we will seek opportunities to be part of the change both in schools and our local areas. These will include volunteering and participating in events that involve our children’s education such as school governorship, PTA (parent teacher association), youth work etc.

We pledge to continue working within our community and other partner agencies in making sure ALL children thrive and reach their potential.

To Child Q and many others, we see you. we hear you. As your parents forgive us for times we didn’t believe you, we are willing to do the work.

Hey Fa,

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Saturday musings

There are more messy entries which I shall share, once permission is granted 🤣😎

Loved this hence I am sharing with you🤣. Stumbled upon this journal entry whilst tidying the bedrooms. I have never been called Fadzai before so this a WHOLE new level for my cherub. This entire entry has been revelatory for me today 😍.

Can I let you in onto something? I have struggled with the whole parenting shindig. Intentional Parenting exists in my bid to share all my pitfalls and blind spots so YOU do not have to. Once in a while I come across evidence such as this 👆🏾, that reminds me that I do get some things RIGHT. Giving notebooks and stationery gifts to my children has been powerful over the years.

This is a journal entry in 2020 from one of my precious jewels. The global pandemic was in full swing and emotions were raging all over the place in the Nyirenda household. We had the exhausted parents from working in healthcare and then the young adults overwhelmed and literally STUCK at home. It was a mess.

In a bid to get some control, sanity and maintain a level of mental wellness, phones were confiscated and that’s how we ended up here.

To see this entry today 2.4.22, warms my heart to a certain extent. Many a times the decisions we make as parents can be painful as we are not 💯 sure wether we are doing the right thing. And to be honest, there will never be a time you are 💯 sure

Whatever decision you need to make for your family , your children especially, trust your GUT. Utilise the research evidence you have at hand about that particular decision. Ask God to help you and find out from His word what you need to do. Reach out to other TRUSTED parents in confidence.

“Effective, intentional parenting isn’t a two people band. Don’t let anyone lie to you. BUILD a community around you to help, you need it.”

Fadzai

Back to your decision making; What’s the worst that can happen?

That’s one of the questions I ask myself when I need to make an important decision and work my work back to mitigate that WORST thing that can happen.

Take for instance, confiscating the phone from your teen. What’s the worst that can happen?

-S/he may hate you

-She may get another dodgy phone from someone else.

-S/he may get social media withdrawal symptoms; depressed/ angry/ upset etc

-S/he may struggle to reach you in an emergency etc.

You explore all this and plan effectively.

The key and most important question is;

What am I trying to do in my parenting??

For me, I am raising the future . I want to honour God in my parenting. I want to raise independent, secure citizens. All this informs my parenting style, commitment and VISION.

Note books are good for putting your thoughts on paper. This is a very useful strategy to use especially with teens who sometimes may struggle to express themselves.

Do you use notebooks, do you write letters to your child/ren, partner or yourself?

If you haven’t tried it, give a go and let me know…

For those who practice this, how is this working? Let me know in comments below,…

Remain blessed and anchored 🌱

Every blessing.

Fadzai

Motherhood and well being

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Webinar

We were talking motherhood and well being on the webinar this evening.

The ladies acknowledged that life can be busy and hectic but taking time out to recharge is important. We also acknowledged that as diaspora parents, lack of extended family support is a massive challenge.

Some of the comments from the attendees:

” Know that you do not love your family if your do not look after yourself. Who is going to take care of them if you burn out?”

“Don’t give ashes to your family when you have burnt out”

Remember what they tell you on the plane in case of emergency???

“Put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you put it on your child”.

Strategies used by some of the moms in enhancing their well being.

‘-Me time’ at the swimming pool as well as reading and listening to biblical podcasts.

-Exercising together as family, thereby being a role model and looking after our health.

-Praying alone and with other ladies. Being willing to be open and vulnerable with other mothers about our challenges.

– Building and maintaining a social network.

– Learn and be prepared for the seasons of life. For example unplanned pregnancies potentially may cause a strain on role transition into motherhood.

– Learning from other moms from all age groups and of different seasons.

– Looking to God for counsel and wisdom.

– Empower the older children to help with younger siblings with activities around the house.

-Getting hubby or significant other to help with childcare whilst I attend to ‘me’.

– A bath soak with candles, oils and a book is always a good easy treat.

-Platforms such this webinar, to come and learn together, building our own online village.

How do you unwind? What strategies have you seen or heard that are helpful? Would love to hear from you. xxx

Seed of Hope 💕💕